Adoption is at the heart of the gospel … We, who had no inheritance, no name, no future, have been adopted in God’s family by a pure gift of grace.” A Redeemer alumnus, who wished to remain anonymous, shared this about his family’s experience with adoption. But for them, the parallels between adoption and our relationship with God haven’t ended there.
“Adoption happens because something, somewhere in the child’s history has gone terribly wrong,” he says. “Even when biological parents willingly present a child for adoption, there are layers upon layers of rejection and loss that the child experiences. Often adoptive parents find themselves in the position of being the punching bag for this loss … To bring that back to the Gospel, in my own spiritual journey, I have often punched God because of the brokenness in my life–even though he has redeemed me through the blood of Jesus, I must confess, I have wrongly blamed him for the pain and effects of my personal sin, and original sin. In our journey as adoptive parents, we have experienced the pain of the heart of God, and this journey has been a tough ride of refinement and pain for us.”
Adopted by Christ
When James and Jen Van Gurp were approached to be interviewed, they asked their daughter, who was adopted, if they should take part. She said yes, and they asked if she would like to be present for the interview. She nervously said yes. “She has a desire for others to think about adoption and how a child without a home receives a loving family just like she did,” says James Van Gurp. “We have walked this journey together with our family and with the Lord.”
We, who had no inheritance, no name, no future, have been adopted in God’s family by a pure gift of grace.
Being inspired by the adoptees and their families in the body of Christ from a young age, along with life experiences, brought Jen Van Gurp to think seriously about adoption. James was not quite ready until he read Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families and Churches by Russell Moore. After that, and considering the calling his wife was feeling in their life to consider this, he felt compelled to adopt a child into their family. “It’s just a beautiful picture of how we’ve been adopted by Christ.”
“I wasn’t sure I would be able to love a child that wasn’t our biological child as much as our biological children, so I had to wrestle with that. The book smacked me in the face. Why would God love me as his non-biological child? But he clearly does. That was convicting.”
For the Van Gurps, reflecting the love of Jesus Christ in every calling has meant loving their adopted daughter as their own. They both attended Redeemer, and say the university played a significant role in helping them develop their worldview.
“Redeemer was very formative in terms of developing a biblical worldview,” says James. “And particularly in challenging it and being exposed to a diversity of thought within that. Being trained to think critically when you approach business matters, but also as it relates to evaluating the decision to adopt, challenging my presuppositions and what it means to live out my life as a Christian.”
Why would God love me as his non-biological child? But he clearly does. That was convicting.
Jen agrees that Redeemer played a significant role in shaping her worldview and what it means for her to live in this world and reflect Christ. “Redeemer was a gift for that,” she says.
The couple set out through a complex process to adopt a child internationally. There were training requirements and paperwork to complete. “It was a challenging process with some bumps and turns that we didn’t expect, but to finally have our daughter home and family all together was a precious gift from the Lord. My heart ached for our daughter who was out there in the world but not yet in our home. We prayed for God’s protection over her,” says Jen. But bringing a child who has experienced trauma and loss into the family brings challenges.
“She was a scared little girl when she came home, and you have this protective love over your child. You just want to see that [fear] get taken away,” Jen recalls through teary eyes. She spoke of the fight, flight and freeze response and when her daughter first arrived, she was in flight mode–she just wanted to run. “She’d sit on our lap for a few seconds and then she’d be gone. It took patience and crying out to God to heal our little girl, but over time she learned to trust. To see God heal her over the years has just been incredible.”
The Van Gurps say they walk together through the pain of the loss of their daughter’s birth family and home country and culture, but also through the joy. “Each year our daughter processes everything a bit more and we share more and more of her story with her at age appropriate times. Christ’s love is just incredible, to be able to share that together and to be able to understand it more deeply,” says Jen. She adds that there was excitement from siblings as well and the love grows more and more each year even through the hard times. “We all have hard things. All of us are needy and we love each other through it; that is what family is about. That is the heart of the Gospel. Christ came to save us from our sins, heal our broken hearts–a learning curve of understanding our heavenly Father’s love for us. They got to learn and grow through the same experiences we are learning about–the idea that we are all one family in Christ.”
God didn’t promise life would be easy, but he did promise to be faithful.
“God has worked powerfully,” says James Van Gurp. “Right from when she could first speak, she said God brought her on a plane.” He is grateful for the knowledge his daughter has of God’s plan to bring her into the family.
Jen has taken strength from God, knowing that his presence is near in the joys and challenges she and her family have faced throughout the adoption journey. “God didn’t promise life would be easy, but he did promise to be faithful.”
Loving God’s Kids
Scott Antonides ’99 has taken similar insights from his family’s experience with adoption. After learning that he and his wife Sylvia would not be able to have biological children, they began a process to eventually adopt two siblings.
“Of course you have doubt when you see people making a family and you can’t go the biological route. That’s very confusing,” says Antonides. But with the benefit of hindsight, he has learned that God’s plans are so good. “To see each piece of the puzzle come together, it’s actually so much better … To now see our family unit be so fun, when you’re kid loves you and hugs you, just having faith that the story will end well. God had a plan. Just trust and keep moving.”
The family chose to adopt more locally, and were matched with twins, a boy and a girl. With a process that requires a high level of commitment, they chose to immerse themselves completely, taking time off work to become full-time parents. The siblings had been in foster care for about two years when the Antonides’ made the slow and intentional transition to parenting.
“You become part of the foster family. You spend every supper with them. You have dinner, read stories, go to the park and play games. You’re introduced as their forever home.”
The gradual process allows the foster family to express excitement, shows the children safety and allows trust to be built with their forever family. Antonides says when his kids first moved home, there was a two-week honeymoon phase where everything seemed perfect. “Then they started to realize the big change that had happened.”
He likens the six months that followed to “any newborn experience” for new parents–exhaustion, reading books, praying, remembering what their parents had taught them and calling friends for advice. Antonides, who graduated from Redeemer in 1999, says the community of friends he built at university has remained an important support system.
“Yes, you strengthen your faith, you get a Christian education, but you build a lifelong network,” he says. “You become like your friends. There’s so much social impact by creating a positive culture. You need excellent profs and a decent facility, but that culture still pays dividends for me 25 years on.”
If somebody needs a family and you have space, you just bring them in. There are no biological boundaries. And God does the same thing.
With the investment of their time and love, and with the support of the community around them, they and their kids began to adjust to their new forever home.
“They are quite proud of their story. They have a little life book that tells their story. We’re one of many families who’ve had a different journey. They’re not at all ashamed,” he says. “It’s changed my view of the biological unit. If somebody needs a family and you have space, you just bring them in. There are no biological boundaries. And God does the same thing.”
“Adoption is something to be proud of. It’s this exciting opportunity to love God’s kids … They always know that we are with them 100 per cent … We just want to make their identity rock solid in Christ.”